so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
