Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I had to cum in my sink.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
