sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
