there's paper in my vomit.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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