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I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
