i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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