Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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