Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
