Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
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I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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