Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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