i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
