I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
