i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
