i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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