I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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