I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
