is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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