Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
