Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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