Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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