her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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