I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
