I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
