She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
