Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
