Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
