dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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