you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
