I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
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no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
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I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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