The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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