i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
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Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
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When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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