drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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