Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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