I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
