Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
