Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
