chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You made out with two different species that night
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
