He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
