so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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