i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
