do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
