if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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