you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
