i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
