I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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