I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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