I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
