We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
