That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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