All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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