do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
