Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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