In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
