i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
