I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My vagina is officially offended.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
