At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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