Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
3pm strippers are depressing
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
