The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
