If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
