I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
