let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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