He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My vagina is officially offended.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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