I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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