So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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