i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
