no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
