Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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