dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
