Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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